Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
