you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
