My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
