I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
