Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
