I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
