if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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