Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
