She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
