Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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