drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
BRING THE BAGELS
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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