Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
