Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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