i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
