OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
