I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I CAN MOONWALK!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize