so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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