There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
