i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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