I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
