Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
