He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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