White coat. Heels.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
