I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hippo gnu deer
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize