Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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