This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
