She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
