i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
