Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
