We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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