If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
