Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
