we have pet lesbian snakes
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
