You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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