Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
