You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
