dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
