Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I got inside last night via doggy door
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
