Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
