Three words: puerto rican gang bang
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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