While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Don't tell me you're on acid again
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
