Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
