I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
