Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
