God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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