this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize