I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
