He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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