Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
