We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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