Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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