I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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