so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
