He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I touched a dick in church today
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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