at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
