I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
