Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
