I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
