best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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