and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
