i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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