Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
