At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
