There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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